At this point, I deactivated my Instagram over a month ago, almost two months. I felt like it was sucking my time from me and I did not get anything pleasant out of it.
Before, I would take breaks after feeling overwhelmed with too much stimuli and feeling constantly thrust into comparing myself with others. Most of those people I do not know and will never know more than a face on a screen.
I bargained with myself by insisting that I gained inspiration for my photography, writing and hobbies through Instagram, but after some hard honesty, I realized the app actually hindered me from doing what I love. It sucked my time and I saw people doing great, awesome things which led me to think, “I could never be that good.” In turn, I actually did less art as a result of Instagram.
(If you don’t feel like reading this, keep an eye out for the YouTube video version. When it’s up I will link it here. Subscribe to be notified when I post 🙂
I thought that if I implemented strategies to help limit my Instagram use, I would be able to use it and not feel so terrible and time sucked. But I was wrong. No matter how much I tried to control myself, the algorithm, the science those at Instagram use to keep us on the app won over me. (Watch the Social Dilemma (2020) on Netflix.)
When I went on these IG breaks, I would always come back. Sometimes after a few weeks, other times after a few months. But inevitably, eventually I began to feel what I can only describe as: soul sucked once again. This led me to take another step back.
So this time in August, instead of just stepping away, I deactivated my account. The temptation to go back was taken away. After trying to make the app work for me over and over again, I ultimately still felt like I was working for it.
I realized that maybe it was just not for me. For instance, if you’re lactose intolerant and every so often you try milk and get terribly sick, eventually you should think, “Maybe milk isn’t for me. I can find something else to enjoy instead.” To me, that is logic.
I do not know if I will ever use Instagram again. If I find it offers a benefit that I cannot get from something else, maybe. But what can I get from Instagram that I cannot get from the people I love, my hobbies, or nature?
I should not spend my time reading comments and seeing photos of thousands of people I will never meet, so much so that I forget to give myself space to be me and feel as me and think as me.
You may be wondering, “What about YouTube?” My relationship with YouTube has always been different. I find it easier to step away and not scroll for hours. The longer format of YouTube videos allows more time to share context and not just see a glamorous vacation photo without the mention of the mishaps that led up to that moment.
The longer videos allow time for more perspective that helps shatter the perfect image. While this is certainly not always true, the creators I watch have a real quality to them and it is easier to avoid what I do not want to see.
I also still enjoy my blog. Blogging does not feel soul sucking like Instagram. I can log in and not be bombarded by people and places and things. I have more control over what I see while I am on the platform and ultimately, I feel like I can write what I want. Now that I think about it, if Instagram had a setting so the explore page could be disabled, that would be promising.
Overall, I feel like Instagram made me feel surface level. I would like someone’s post because they liked mine. It felt like a trade. But that ‘like’ did not translate to anything. When I was having a bad day, that ‘like’ meant nothing. The person behind that ‘like’ was not patting my back or calling me. Instagram made me feel more lonely and forget about the people I that care and do call me.
I did meet some cool people through Instagram but I have their emails, or numbers, so the platform is not necessary to keep in touch. And frankly, seeing only the highlights of peoples’ lives cannot be healthy. When you’re someone’s friend, you see the highs and lows, but Instagram can put you in a weird place of not being close enough to be a friend, while being a little more than an acquaintance. So you see the good, not the bad, and think why the hell do I suck so bad at life?
What I’m trying to say is that maybe Instagram had some benefits for me in the past (being exposed to different genres, networking, and working with brands), but at this point in my life, it’s clutter. YouTube makes me happy. Blogging makes me happy. Instagram makes me jittery and I have been trying to listen to myself more. My mind keeps screaming, “Remove the clutter.”
So that is why I deactivated my Instagram and may never use the app/platform again. I really hope someone is studying how social media is affecting our minds because it feels like it’s the most wild west experiment. I firmly believe that there is not enough structure in place to protect people from addictive algorithms that have the potential to suck our lives from us.
In the style of Marie Kondo: Thank you Instagram for allowing me to connect with people and for pushing me to finally listen to myself and understand how I’m feeling and why. I am sure some people love the platform, build their businesses from it and create amazing opportunities from the ground up, but still, it’s not right for in this moment. And I am accepting that.
On to the next chapter,
Arianna
Aloha Arianna 